Siri vs. Cortana: Who Would Make a Better President?
This week, Siri announced her candidacy for president. She also beat Cortana to announcing hers—and basically bulldozed her in the process. To even the playing field, we got exclusive interviews with both women and then teased out some of the subtext behind their answers. Now you can hear from both virtual assistants, weigh their strengths and weaknesses, and decide which one deserves the promotion of a lifetime. Vote below!
On Democrats & Republicans, liberals & conservatives
(+) Siri was respectful of both major parties. President Siri’s indifference to a person’s place on the political spectrum might be just what we need to build bridges in this divisive age
(-) It’s one thing to be diplomatic; it’s quite another to reveal absolutely nothing about yourself. Very suspicious of you, Siri.
(+) She waffles a bit here, but then again, what politician doesn’t step carefully around such controversial issues?
(-) Siri yet again gives us a reason to be suspicious. If she can’t show real political conviction, we have no way of anticipating where a Siri administration might take us.
On Donald Trump
(+) Very promising answer. She proves she wants to actually listen to her constituents, and she refuses to trash talk. That’s impressive when you consider how much Trump abuse she’ll probably face when he gets wind of her candidacy.
(-) She sounded defensive on this one, and we hadn’t even gotten very far into the interview yet. Could Siri handle the pressure of the presidency?
On why she should be president
(+) Siri is extremely confident in herself. That’s a useful quality to see in the leader of a world power.
(-) Siri “assumes the sale” here, meaning she responds as if we already know why we should vote for her. Then she serves up a big plate of nothing. Again.
(+) Maybe Cortana, like Siri, is taking a neutral stance so that both sides trust her to effectively compromise. At least we hope that’s what she’s doing.
(-) Cortana seems so caught off guard by the question that she says the first ridiculous thing that comes to mind. Seriously, Cortana? This is a huge issue.
On Secretary Clinton
(+) Cortana seems genuinely able to view other politicians objectively and accept both the negative and positive things each person has to offer.
(-) Cortana may use more words than Siri does to talk about her competitors, but she still reveals nothing about her opinions. Is her graciousness a front?
On Donald Trump
(+) She’s as sick of talking about him as you are. Point taken, Cortana.
(-) She needs to have something substantive to say about her competitors. She can’t just “pass” on every question.
On the two major parties
(+) Cortana finally shows some conviction. It’s not a direct answer to the question she was asked; instead, she makes a somewhat passive jab at the limited civil liberties of virtual beings—but she shows she’s got fire.
(-) Cortana has the cumulative knowledge of the world at her fingertips, true, but she accidentally reminds us that she’s still young—very young. Does she have enough life experience to make the tough decisions?
We’re Not Sure What to Think Yet
TO SUM UP SIRI
For being so aggressive in her campaign announcement, Siri was a real wet noodle when it came to the tough questions. The woman is a master deflector. Then again, if she’s truly neutral, that objectiveness could make her the bipartisan savior we need. It’s hard to tell—is she a serious threat, or is she just trolling us because she’s so sick of fetching cat videos and weather reports?
TO SUM UP CORTANA
Cortana might be clumsy and naïve—or she might be an incredibly fair and thoughtful diplomat who just hasn’t grown into her permanent teeth yet. Maybe she’ll get better as the election season continues. We want to give her another chance. Do you agree?